Little things

So, after being away for 2 months now I came back to my country... and I still feel hard to go back to my normal sleeping hours.

My new family of raccoons seems to be quite happy in their new home 

Also another new member of the doll community is Jacinto the cat. I got it at the "Queens" store in London, a funny place full of glitter, even the guy attending there was covered with, which seemed not to amuse him at all.

Finally but not last a set of different sizes of moleskine. Today I discovered the little one and couldn't resist to buy it.

How's your year going so far ?

Baba Yaga & music

Today I made my entry for Baba Yaga's exchange. I still can't take Bilibin's work out off my head. I must admit I get really desperate because is pretty difficult to work with the nibs. I'm so happy Lynne gave me some, I used them here and I been using them for quite some time, well, most of the time I just stare at them, they're so lovely.


I wish I could read music. I can, but can't hear it. This pages are from my dad's moleskine. Once we went to buy some and he bought this for music. He just made two entries. I like the first one, because is so plastic. The second one is kind of crazy.

I don't know how it sounds. This make me feel so empty, empty of his presence.

(Not so) Tragic story

We went to celebrate mother's day to a public pool. I didn't planned to get into it, but when I was there the water just called me - also was a hot day -. I was so happy there, with the water up to my knees that I didn't noticed my bad was also getting as wet as my shorts. Now my camera doesn't work, the book I was carring also got so wet, iPod too, but it seems doesn't got too wet so is working - ufff ! - and my moleskine looks like this :

I'm so bloody brilliant. Good thing is that wasn't too bad... still the camera is drowned. I wanted to take some photos, but no can do u.u

Well, I wasn't going to stay all day crying because of that so I bought a swimming suit and I dove into the pool. It felt so nice. Its been years since the last time I got into one, maybe like 10 or more (!). We ate for free - carnitas , is a traditional dish here in the state where I live made with pork -, didn't pay to be there and drank lovely iced beers, also for free, because one of my uncles broadcasted his radio show from that place so the owner invited us all. I must say this was the most fantastic mother's day ever, and I'm not a mum for celebrating myself ! :D

So, why am I whining ? Seems like my kind of sport, isn't ? :B

Finished !!!

I finally finished Ophelia, yay ! I'm soooooo... hungry right now, I have to eat something before I fade :/

My dad gave me that book when I was a teen. I used to read it out loud. Is my secret weapon for the Shakehead's exchange, mmmmmuuuuahahahahahahahha (evil laugh).

Ok, I'll go to eat now :)

Ophelia WIP2

I am officialy b-o-r-e-d.

I can't seem to finish this drawing, is taking too damn much time. Is not that I don't like how it looks like so far, I do (well, I can't make the water looks like water, grrrrrrrrr) but I'm tired of seeing the same thing for the past days. I have to finish it anyway. I know that with each exchange I have to give the best of my work, but this has gone too far (!) I don't know if I'm desperate because of that or because is too hot in here. I have to wash my hands constantly because of the sweat, thing I don't like to do while drawing because my hand's bones hurts, from fingertips to my elbows.

Ok, I'll stop whining right this moment. Is 2 am and I need to take my med and go to Morpheo's arms.

P.S. 1 I hope I won't be dreaming about it :/

P.S. 2 I can't remember what "WIP" means. "Whining in pyjamas" ? :B

Last pages of journal and me and Rogelio

Today I made the last entry on my journal. It was a way of getting ridd of all those bad feelings, the sadness, the angryness.

The other day while talking with my close friend I noticed how angry I am, how I always keep on making excuses on those whom hurt me and I keep blaming me for all the mess, when the whole mess is not mine, part of it yes, so why to think is all my fault as if I were some kind of idiotic masoquist when I'm not ?. There was a time when I used to trust, not so long ago. Now, when I can't do it she comes, my beautiful bird, giving me all those nice things people should give and people should receive. Her hands are full and mine are empty and still she's so kind and patient. I feel like one monster myself, rotten inside.


The drawing is about that, about me yearning to trust, to feel again, to let others fill my hands with kisses and music, images, love, but also leaving things behind and not drag them into new places.






I think that my moleskine should look messier after all this time. I started to write on it on July last year. Wow ! I haven't read all those pages, I never do. Maybe when I get older I'll do it and it would be something great to do. Is amazing how is not a big thing, I mean, I didn't write that much on it, that's why it took me almost a year. As now I write more next journal will go quicker than this one

And fot this days of flu...

yes, I do wear it on the streets, but I try not to go out if I don't have to. Some friends told me I'm paranoic, maybe.

My camarada Benjamin told me the other day I should take a photo with that thing, but I forgot to add the smile on it >.<

Oh, yes, today was - and still is very hot - Poor Rogelio, he lies there like if he were dead and a truck just passed by over him - like Churchill from "Pet Sematary" :D

The princess, the prince and the warrior

Today I finished - at last - the entries for moly_x_48.

I wish I could say I'm happy with them, but I'm half happy. There's something missing an I don't know what it is...

A friend just asked me if they're from a story. They are. True story, true characters but how I see them and not who they really are.

Form aka green man and censored shit

I still don't know what to draw about. In moments like this drawings as such come to me, like if I were searching in places I don't want nor need to look. I guess is how it works.

Perhpas one day it will really be a green man. Perhaps.

I got censored on deviantart because of this one

Funny things happens when I don't pay attention. Somebody said I should submit it again, a close friend told me to fight back - well, she's a warrior, is natural she'd say that -. I won't submit it and won't fight. I'm too tired for any of those, more than tired: bored.

Is the first time I get censored. There must be something I'm doing right. As Warhol said : there's not such thing as bad publicity ;)

Mi corazón - very ugly

I should stop listening to those country songs, they only make me feel sadder...But Johnny is here tonight with me saying "hey! get rhythm, when you feel the blues", tying to cheer me up, dancing around with his guitar, giving me a croocked smile. And I hear what he says, with his lovely deep voice. I tell him how I fell in that ring of fire once he fell... and it burns, burns, burns the ring of fire, isn't ?

He takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor. "It's all a dream, babe, ya know?" he whispers in my ear.I woke up. Is not a dream and I'm still sad.

For two days I been feeling worthless, in a way that is like people are ashamed of me, friends, loved ones, is always the same.

My heart is ugly and I'm the only one who can't see that.

Wake up, hon, don't keep on fooling yourself.

La tristeza y sketches

Hoy mi tristeza sigue ahí, drenándose en todos los lugares, en mis huesos, en mi corazón. Y la tristeza se vuelve enojo y el enojo en decepción.

Hoy es de esos días que no quiero saber nada, nada de nada, simplemente cerrar mis ojos y dormir hasta el día siguiente en espera de que sea mejor, y lo es, hasta que me topo con su precencia y todo vuelve de nuevo, y mi corazón se rompe otra vez y mis ganas de gritar surgen de lugares que creía muertos, como viejos fantasmas que atormentan mis sueños y deseos.

Hoy no quiero amar

Hoy no quiero sentir

Hoy sé por qué él no me menciona, por qué una vez más soy el secreto del alguien, y me pregunto si valgo la pena de ser mencionada, de que el otro se sienta bien con respecto a mí. Al parecer no.

Como yo, con esos sketches que no muestro

Y yo me convierto en uno de esos también

Borroso

Inacabado

No tengo tampoco por qué mencionarte más.

"Dando y dando, pajarito volando"

Journal entries

Yesterday I didn't do much and I just worked on the two last pages of my journal. Now is ready to be send. The whole journal thing is a long story, and I love my own long stories, but I still don't know if this one is one I'll talk about. Some day, perhaps. I'm not too happy with them but I have nothing left to say on this particular notebook.

I need to buy a new moleskine for another journal.


The heart is the original design for my tattoo, which I have to say, is one of my favourites.





My face !!! I'm so tired. I been so tired all this past days and taking photos like that is... fun, at times, but not today because my batteries died, all of them and this is the only " good " photo of 13 I took. If this is the good one imagine the others :/




I have absolutely no idea what I wanted to say with this page. Maybe one day I'll understand, or maybe is just utterly bullshit. Who knows, really.

Travels, inks and wonders

I been buying some inks - no, I haven't found the blue one - and I wanted to use all of them in one drawing. I say ALL and it sounds like if I have tons, but no, sadly, hehehe. I realized I bought too many red colours and they looks so much alike, buuuuuuut... today - well, in the morning - I'm going to spend my last money on more inks. I think I'll buy one green and one - guess - blue.

Drawing with dip pens are lost of fun, but I made a mess with the black ink and my fingers are covered with it, grrrrrrrrrr. I don't really care about it, is just that I try not to touch the drawing much so won't get dirty and it is, no matter how much I tried. I have to be extra careful then.

I been thinking latelly about the travel I can't have - I could if I have the money for it -, how makes me feel that. I think I waste too much time thinking about it and only makes me feel even sadder to wonder " if things were different, if I were in the right place, in the right moment what would happen ? ". But maybe I'm not even the right girl, so...

Anyway, this is me on my magic flying carpet. Nice, isn't ? ;P

Today a metallic thing fell on my head. It hurted so bad. Today I came to a moment when I couldn't feel things, only the ones inside and real pain seemed silly and small, like a low buzzing; still I feel things that makes me dream, makes me want to draw and write, and I write and draw. I wish I could draw all the stories, all the music, the way they flows in me.

*Tell me a story, starshine*

In My Bag

Today I finished my entry for Anna Denise moly . Her theme is what we carry around in our bags, well, mine is really small one, but big enough for my moly (journal). Is actually my sister's bag, but I don't plan to give it away ! And she doesn't cares so is nice, hehehe.

This is how all that stuff really looks like :

Silly me ! I forgot to draw my celphone ! But as I don't use it much (nobody calls me. Sigh *) I don't see it as something important as, for instance, my iPod. The think I like the most is my Jimmy, my little bag for money. When my sister gave it to me she said "look, I found the child you and Tim Burton had" :D

Today I also got a great news which is that I'm going to be featured for one week on one webpage where I upload things sometimes http://www.bluecanvas.com/ladyorlando/ I know, maybe is not much, or it is, still makes me feel happy because some people likes my works. Nice. Latelly I feel like if I fell into a void and getting this is really amazing :)

News, olds and new-olds

Today I found one of the boxes with my dolls. Some I have since I was a child and give me good memories, others were gifts from friends and others I made. My room is starting to look really nice, well, at least one of the walls and since I have my pc there I can see that wall everytime I want.

I also mended this little figure I have. It is supposed to be a... to tell you the truth I don't know if it's a cat or a dog, and because it has a mask is difficult to know ;)) but what I know for sure is that is based on some Prehispanic figures - then I guess is a Xoloitzcuintli, that means dog - It got broken several years ago and I never had the patience to sit down and really mended it, until today . Now it has two new paws and one new ear; bad thing is that I noticed the back leg is shorter than it is supposed to be :/ - my mistake, of course -.

I been working on this moleskine. The theme is "monsters" for moly_x_46. I wanted to buy some watercolours but couldn't find them so I bought those really cheap low quality ones - I know, I know, I said I wasn't going to use those kind of materials but I really needed some colours I currently don't have -. I think I'll have it finished by tomorrow... no, today ! well, today but later-later, right now is midnight and I should be sleeping after a day of hard work... he !

I still think my not-desk is a mess, though. I've seen some photos of people's desks and they're so nice and neat; mine is a " creative chaos " ;D

Because my not-desk is so... near to the floor I don't have a chair to sit comfortable and work, so right now my back hurts like hell, is so sored. I been working like this for the past 3 days and I need to find something soon or I'll get so many back problems in a few months, not years, months !!!

This is my I'm-a-so-serious-working-girl look ;)))

Today I also received this goodies from Lynne all the way from England : a package of ink cartridges for my fountain pen. Here I can't find coloured inks like that so it's a great gift ! and a beautiful postcard which is an hologram. I love it, makes me feel dizzy when I look at it :))

And before I'm going... this is my last entry for moly_x_38. I wanted to make my favourite monsters: werewolf, vampire and zombie :)

Sophisticated Lady - journal31

Everytime I have a nice cup of tea I transformer myself into a new character, quite old, actually. Is a part of me, my part of a sophisticated lady, like the ones that appears in victorian portraits, in old books.

That doestn't happens with any type of tea, just with some in which the flavours are rich and soft at the same time.

A friend once described me a tea she drinks like "a mountain". It took me a while to understand what that means, how a tea could be a mountain. Little by little I've been understanding that; still I don't have the whole idea but I'm getting close to it.

I've tried some good teas, some really great, some of them makes me feel like I'd never want to stop drinking them, though is always good there's no more and my cup is empty so I can try a new flavour or an old one.

Maybe one day I'll get to drink a tea in a nice place and me, wearing a nice vintage dress; only one day, that would be fantastic. And maybe that day I'll be in England and a nice english rain would be there, outside, but I'll have my nice cup of tea, with sugar and perhaps some cream, and I wouldn't mind about the rain because I'll ahve a wonderful red umbrella with me and a lovely monster-friend by my side.

Pop up

Little by littel the idea of tridimentionality is taking a place in my imagination. Still is not a complete idea, still I can't make one of those pop up things. My dad is too kind and he gives his creations for me to use however I want. I need to learn how to make the things he tries to teach me, and I say "try" because is taking me too much time to think in another way beside bidimentional way. Maybe that's why I didn't studied scupture.

I feel that I have to start to change the way I see things, the world, everything, in order to understand how things works. Who knows, maybe if I get to understand that the next step is kinetics.

Just drawing and painting is not enough, I can't say everything I want to say.

There's much to learn and time is endless.

Piedra, papel o tijeras

Sometimes I'm sick of my own face. Is there and everybody else can see it, but why should I see it all the time? But there are sometimes when I see it and I don't recognize it, is somebody else's face. I look at it deeply, I see the eyes - deep brown, the lips - like a duck's mouth - the nose... I like my nose, but still is not my nose and not my lips, my eyes, eyebrows, etc. I ask to that person looking back to me at the mirror "who are you?" She asks the same to me. No response.I never draw myself how I really am. Is me, yes, minus this, minus that. "Artist's license" is called, pure self indulgence I call it.I'm selfish, yes and I have my egotheque of self portraits. I'm the only one there willing to be drawn, and my cats of course.

I don’t like to draw hair
And I hate Mozart… most of his works, except that one and a few more.

Captain Dimitri

I met Captain Dimitri while traveling on the seven seas. He was a nice Russian guy whom likes to drink cherry whiskey and sing songs about his travels. He showed me the songs that the mermaids sing when the storms are coming and also showed me to cook a nice lemon salmon. He told me that he was born in Poland, because his mother was from there, but his father was Russian so he took him away when he was a child to become a sailor, just like him. When he was sad he used to sing his mother’s songs in her languaje. Captain Dimitri also was known as Rosie by some people in Mauritius. I never asked him why. I also asked him his name, but was in polish and russian, so the when he saw my blank expression he told me "call me Dimitri".I don’t know what happened to him. The last thing I’ve heard about him was that he was sailing near the red sea but he was so blue that he headed up north.

Conocí al capitán Dimitri cuando navegaba por los siete mares. él era un buen hombre ruso que gustaba beber wiskey de cereza y cantar canciones sobre sus viajes. Él me mostró las canciones que cantan las sirenas cuando viene una tormenta y también a cocinar un delicioso salmón al limón. Me explicó que él nació en Polonia porque su madre era de ahí, pero su padre era ruso, así que cuando era muy pequeño se lo llevó con él para que aprendiera a ser un marinero como su padre. Cuando se ponía triste cantaba canciones en su lengua materna.

El capitán Dimitri también era conocido como Rosie por algunas personas en Mauritius. Nunca le pregunté por qué. También le pregunté su nombre, pero era una mezcla de ruso y polaco, así que cuando vió my expresión me dijo "llámame Dimitri".

No sé qué pasó con él. Lo último que supe esque cuando viajaba por el mar Rojo se sintió tan triste que decidió dirigirse al norte.

One Day...

Tratando de encontrar nuevas formas de decir cosas, aunque sigue siendo lo mismo mas aún así el discurso no se acaba.

Leave something for me and my imagination.

The King - journal26