Last pages of journal and me and Rogelio

Today I made the last entry on my journal. It was a way of getting ridd of all those bad feelings, the sadness, the angryness.

The other day while talking with my close friend I noticed how angry I am, how I always keep on making excuses on those whom hurt me and I keep blaming me for all the mess, when the whole mess is not mine, part of it yes, so why to think is all my fault as if I were some kind of idiotic masoquist when I'm not ?. There was a time when I used to trust, not so long ago. Now, when I can't do it she comes, my beautiful bird, giving me all those nice things people should give and people should receive. Her hands are full and mine are empty and still she's so kind and patient. I feel like one monster myself, rotten inside.


The drawing is about that, about me yearning to trust, to feel again, to let others fill my hands with kisses and music, images, love, but also leaving things behind and not drag them into new places.






I think that my moleskine should look messier after all this time. I started to write on it on July last year. Wow ! I haven't read all those pages, I never do. Maybe when I get older I'll do it and it would be something great to do. Is amazing how is not a big thing, I mean, I didn't write that much on it, that's why it took me almost a year. As now I write more next journal will go quicker than this one

And fot this days of flu...

yes, I do wear it on the streets, but I try not to go out if I don't have to. Some friends told me I'm paranoic, maybe.

My camarada Benjamin told me the other day I should take a photo with that thing, but I forgot to add the smile on it >.<

Oh, yes, today was - and still is very hot - Poor Rogelio, he lies there like if he were dead and a truck just passed by over him - like Churchill from "Pet Sematary" :D

Form aka green man and censored shit

I still don't know what to draw about. In moments like this drawings as such come to me, like if I were searching in places I don't want nor need to look. I guess is how it works.

Perhpas one day it will really be a green man. Perhaps.

I got censored on deviantart because of this one

Funny things happens when I don't pay attention. Somebody said I should submit it again, a close friend told me to fight back - well, she's a warrior, is natural she'd say that -. I won't submit it and won't fight. I'm too tired for any of those, more than tired: bored.

Is the first time I get censored. There must be something I'm doing right. As Warhol said : there's not such thing as bad publicity ;)

Mi corazón - very ugly

I should stop listening to those country songs, they only make me feel sadder...But Johnny is here tonight with me saying "hey! get rhythm, when you feel the blues", tying to cheer me up, dancing around with his guitar, giving me a croocked smile. And I hear what he says, with his lovely deep voice. I tell him how I fell in that ring of fire once he fell... and it burns, burns, burns the ring of fire, isn't ?

He takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor. "It's all a dream, babe, ya know?" he whispers in my ear.I woke up. Is not a dream and I'm still sad.

For two days I been feeling worthless, in a way that is like people are ashamed of me, friends, loved ones, is always the same.

My heart is ugly and I'm the only one who can't see that.

Wake up, hon, don't keep on fooling yourself.

Journal entries

Yesterday I didn't do much and I just worked on the two last pages of my journal. Now is ready to be send. The whole journal thing is a long story, and I love my own long stories, but I still don't know if this one is one I'll talk about. Some day, perhaps. I'm not too happy with them but I have nothing left to say on this particular notebook.

I need to buy a new moleskine for another journal.


The heart is the original design for my tattoo, which I have to say, is one of my favourites.





My face !!! I'm so tired. I been so tired all this past days and taking photos like that is... fun, at times, but not today because my batteries died, all of them and this is the only " good " photo of 13 I took. If this is the good one imagine the others :/




I have absolutely no idea what I wanted to say with this page. Maybe one day I'll understand, or maybe is just utterly bullshit. Who knows, really.

Sophisticated Lady - journal31

Everytime I have a nice cup of tea I transformer myself into a new character, quite old, actually. Is a part of me, my part of a sophisticated lady, like the ones that appears in victorian portraits, in old books.

That doestn't happens with any type of tea, just with some in which the flavours are rich and soft at the same time.

A friend once described me a tea she drinks like "a mountain". It took me a while to understand what that means, how a tea could be a mountain. Little by little I've been understanding that; still I don't have the whole idea but I'm getting close to it.

I've tried some good teas, some really great, some of them makes me feel like I'd never want to stop drinking them, though is always good there's no more and my cup is empty so I can try a new flavour or an old one.

Maybe one day I'll get to drink a tea in a nice place and me, wearing a nice vintage dress; only one day, that would be fantastic. And maybe that day I'll be in England and a nice english rain would be there, outside, but I'll have my nice cup of tea, with sugar and perhaps some cream, and I wouldn't mind about the rain because I'll ahve a wonderful red umbrella with me and a lovely monster-friend by my side.

Pop up

Little by littel the idea of tridimentionality is taking a place in my imagination. Still is not a complete idea, still I can't make one of those pop up things. My dad is too kind and he gives his creations for me to use however I want. I need to learn how to make the things he tries to teach me, and I say "try" because is taking me too much time to think in another way beside bidimentional way. Maybe that's why I didn't studied scupture.

I feel that I have to start to change the way I see things, the world, everything, in order to understand how things works. Who knows, maybe if I get to understand that the next step is kinetics.

Just drawing and painting is not enough, I can't say everything I want to say.

There's much to learn and time is endless.

Imaginary Friend - Journal 21

My belly is a greedy monster

I should try

I should be making the works I have to give monday morning at school.